Words

Hawk Nelson recorded this amazing song: Words

It says this:

Words can build you up

Words can break you down

Start a fire in your heart or

Put it out

Wow.  It's SO TRUE

When I was in High school I wore a size 4, sometimes 6.  I think I may have mentioned my glory days before?  

One Wednesday night after church I went with my sister to a get together at a friend's house.  While there a friend of mine took a picture of me from the waist down as I was sitting in a chair.  In no uncertain terms he said to me that my legs were fat, they were disgusting everyone at the party and I should uncross my legs to remedy the problem.  I was a dancer, I had very muscular legs...so no, they did not look like chicken legs.  My mom had passed away a year earlier and the fact of the matter is, if I didn't cook dinner after school, then dinner was likely to be from a drive through...my dad just didn't have time to do it all.  Yes, I had cellulite and yes, I can still see that picture in my mind when I close my eyes; I can still hear those words ringing in my ears.  I cried the whole way home that night; I cried myself to sleep and sometimes, when I look in the mirror and see my legs I still cry. 

Those words hurt.  THEY STILL DO.

My sister tells me I need to forgive him, but I have.  I have forgiven him many, many times.  I just can't FORGET.  It still hurts so bad.  I can count on one hand the amount of times I have worn, in public, a pair of shorts that don't cover my knees.  I am scared to death.  Someone finally confirmed what I always knew...my legs are my trouble zone.  I don't need that to be confirmed ever again.  

In my quest to learn to love myself, I feel I need to remind others that your words matter.  THEY MATTER!  So be careful.  BE CAREFUL!  

I hope someday these words don't haunt me anymore.  But until then, when his words start to echo in my mind, when I begin to feel worthless because of the words of an immature teenager spoken 17 years ago, I will meditate on what God's Word says about me. 

          

You can heal the heartache

Speak over the fear

God, you voice is the only thing

We need to hear

                                    -- Hawk Nelson

Today, Hawk Nelson's song is my prayer:

Let my words be life

Let my words be truth

I don't wanna say a word

Unless it points the world back to You.