Thankful: Day 83

Starting something new is never easy.

Implementing change is never easy either, but sometimes it is necessary.

School is stressful. Life is stressful. Being a wife is stressful. Being a mother is stressful.

Somedays I feel like going back to school was the dumbest decision I ever made.

Don't get me wrong, I am so blessed to be there, and as I have said many, many times; school is the journey to get me where I want to be in life. I won't take the journey for granted. But, I will acknowledge that the journey is stretching me further than I ever thought. It is straining my relationships. It is straining the seams of my pants...

I wouldn't be truthful if I didn't tell you out right: IT'S HARD. All of it.

LIFE IS HARD

I can't be who I need to be for everyone. I just can't and I need to be okay with that, but I'm not.

I have to be the mom who helps with homework and sends snacks to parties and keeps up with who is friends with whom and gets kids to dance and soccer.

I have to be the wife who cooks and cleans and decorates and keeps her husband happy.

I have to be the student who studies and gives 100% all the time and applies herself in clinic and helps everyone clean up after clinic because it's what a good decent person does...especially if she wants others to do the same for her.

I have to be the friend who calls and texts to maintain contact.

I have to be the daughter who helps feed the fish and cat when needed.

I have to be the sister who helps with babies and encourages sleep deprived parents.

I have to be the church leader who stays in the Word and can lead children in Biblical truths.

I have to be the dance teacher who always shows up on time and comes up with choreography on the fly.

And I TRY to do it all with a smile on my face.

Wanna know a secret?

Somedays I feel like I am dying inside.

This life I lead; it's a blessing. I KNOW that...

But somedays I just have to hold my husband. And when he asks me if I am okay, I just have to say,

"no"

And weep. 

So, Ya'll...If you decide to read this, say a prayer for me. 

Say a prayer for confidence. For wisdom. For love. For peace. Just pray anything nice, really. I sure could use the encouragement.

And today, I will be thankful for you and your prayers.