Get a job!

We were leaving church and Matt and the kids were waiting for me in the truck. Mady was looking through Matt's Bible when the book of Job caught her eye.

Mady: "Hey Mommy, look, there's a whole book in here about a job! You should read this so you can get one."

The College of...Chicken?

While eating chicken last night, Mady decided to start discussing college. The conversation went something like this:

Mady: Mommy, I don't want to go to college.

Me: Why not?

Mady: I don't want to move away from you, because I love you.

(I told my husband to grab the video camera because I know it won't be long before she is ready to move out)

Mady: Well, I guess I can go to college. Do I have to go where you went to college?

Me: No, you can go wherever you want.

Mady: Does your college have chicken?

Me: Yes, they had chicken where I went to college.

Mady: Then I'll go to your college. Because they have chicken. I love chicken.

Innocence

We were driving to the lake when we saw a truck with one of THOSE things (the male parts I think should be against the law to hang from your vehicle...but that's just my opinion) hanging from the trailer hitch.

Que Mady:

"HEY, Did that car poop? There's something red hanging from it!"

Size Matters

Daddy, let me just tell you...Airplanes are bigger than you think.

How Profound

So, I'm sure you have noticed the "anti-smoking" billboards all over the highways. One features a family with the mother's face burned out of the picture and it says something along the lines of, second hand smoke kills however many people a year. The one of the crib with the baby burned out referencing second hand smoke and SIDS made me cry the first time I saw it.

Mady just doesn't get it. Every time we pass the billboard of the family, she asks why the mom's face is burned out. So, no more sugar coating.

The last time she asked, Matt told her, "Smoking kills people." She was confused to say the least.

Mady: "So, if smoking kills people why are they allowed to make cigarettes?"

How Profound.

A lesson in courtesy

A man in a truck stopped to let us cross the road in the JC Penney parking lot.

Mady: "That guy was nice. He must learn lessons at church."

An American Cyclops

I was explaining to my husband that there is a facebook page called (something along the lines of) I wonder if children in China hold their eyes open and say, "I'm American".

Cue Mady

(Holding eyes as wide open as possible and saying in a loud gruff voice) "I'm an American, I'm an American! Hey Mama, (One hand over her right eye and the other holding her left eye open) I'm a one-eyed American!"

Thumb Magnet

Mady still sucks her thumb.
Yes, it is annoying and I have tried so much to get her to stop.
I caught her sucking her thumb today. I wiggled my thumb at her and said, "Thumb".
She was heartbroken...she cried and said in a very irritated voice, "I can't help it! It's like a magnet; it just sticks there!"

Hold On...

Mady was sitting at the kitchen table finishing her dinner while her daddy and I were cleaning up. She let a pretty large poot for a girl her age and while her daddy and I were laughing she said:

"That's gonna stink, hold on to your whiskers!"

Impressive

We were playing bowling on the Wii.

There is this amazing training exercise for bowling where you get one shot to knock down all the pins. The first level is just 10 pins, but it increases throughout 10 levels until you end up with an enormous amount of pins. (I can't remember the exact number). It is a blast. Mady had just knocked down an amazing amount of pins and we were all saying how great she did to which she responded:

"I'm just trying to be impressive!"

commonalities

To set this up, Mady was talking about how people need to eat "gas" to have energy just like cars need gas to go.

Mady: "We're kinda like a car, but we're not hard, we're mushy and squishy...well, except for our bones, they're not mushy and squishy."

Her first Mani

It is spring break, therefore, I am finding as many ways as possible to farm out my children out to local family members...well, not really...but kinda.

She stayed the night with Grandma last night and today they went to get a manicure. Her first one. They went to the nail salon inside of WalMart where a lot of very talented Vietnamese women work. When asked about her experience she responded,

"We went to this place where they only speak Spanish. The lady who did our nails spoke Spanish and Me and Grandma could only understand her for a little while."

Three snaps in a "Z" formation

Matt: "Are you going outside to play?"

Mady: (with one hand on her hip) "If I was, I'd have my shoes on."

It's MY body

Matt: "Mady, do you need to use the bathroom?"

Mady: "I don't need to go potty."

Zac: "uh-uh."

Mady: (to Zac) "You don't live in my body."

Too Literal

Mady: "Bouncing off the walls doesn't mean you are really bouncing off the walls, it just means you're being all crazy; like a hooligan."

voluntary deafness

Matt had already asked Mady to go to the bathroom before bed several times and she was NOT cooperating.

Matt: "I said go to the bathroom, go."

Mady: "Why?"

Matt: "Because it is time for you to go to bed, I told you that."

Mady: "Oh, sorry. I turned my ears off."

Run away

Mady and I were having a conversation with a certain someone who really likes to talk a lot. I had been trying to get away for some time and Mady was patiently waiting for me.

Our conversation was interrupted by a phone call to which Mady stated,

"She's on the phone, let's get away now!"

Grape love

Mady gets a sucker after her Wednesday night class at church.

Tonight she was digging for a specific flavor. She ended up pulling out a grape flavored dum-dum.

Me: "Wow, you picked grape, do you like grape suckers?"

Mady: "Yes, they taste SO good." (Thinks for a second) "They taste exquisite!"

Never Texas

We were watching the USA v. Canada for Gold Hockey.

USA scored against Canada in the 2nd period and Mady starts chanting,

"USA, USA, USA, USA, NOT TEXAS"

Bubble Bath

Zac has a new favorite pastime.

This is how he says it:

"Toot-bath"

A new take on an old favorite

Mady was standing on her easel stool singing "Jesus loves the little children" and was doing a very fine job.

Her rendition goes something like this:

"Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world."
(the next part was all slurred together):
"Red and yellow black and white,"
(Then she got to her favorite part which she sang all the louder)

"He is special green and white. Jesus loves all the children of
the world"

Gluttony

We ordered pizza for dinner tonight. It was just THAT kind of night. We had a fantastic coupon that allowed us to order 3 medium pizzas for only $18.
So, we splurged.
My hubby got his very own supreme pizza and was ecstatic about it.

Hubby: (reaching for his fourth slice) "I'll probably regret this in the morning, but, oh well."

Mady: "Are you eating FOUR pieces of pizza?!?"

Hubby: (in sarcastic tone) "yes"

Mady: (incredulously) "O-M-G!!"

Later we were laughing about this and Mady says, (quite saucily) "Well, that's how you spell oh my gosh!"

Health Conscious

Mady: "Water is healthy for you. I like to drink water. I am healthy. You don't drink a lot of water Mommy, so you aren't healthy."

Optimism

Mady: "Skunks are good, they just fart on you really bad."

dinner funnies

So tonight for dinner we had tacos. I love Mexican food and my goal in life has been to raise children who love it as much as I do. I must brag on myself, I have succeeded!!!

I made refried beans to go with the tacos, but I only used one can instead of two. The following conversation took place:

Me: (to husband) "I'm sorry, I didn't make very many beans tonight, I only had one can."

Hubby: "I probably won't eat very many anyway. I'm tired of farting."

(we think farts are funny around here...)

Mady: "I'm not tired of farting. I've only farted once today."


My other goal in life is to make sure that my children will like their Mexican food spicy. (I mean...it's really not any good if it's not...am I right?) I'll brag again, I have succeeded!!!

Mady had already eaten two tacos, both had hot sauce on them. She was going for a record three tacos. As my husband was helping Mady put number three together she said,

"I don't want sauce on this one, it burned my breath."

Smarty pants

Me: "Mady, you are so smart."

Mady: "Thank you."

Me: "It must be because you have smart Daddy."

Mady: "I think you mean I have a smart BRAIN."

'motes

My little Zac loves remotes. Maybe it's a man thing?

I don't know, but he likes to carry them around, give them to people, push random buttons. He sure thinks they are a lot of fun. We have several remotes around this house...5 that I can see from my chair as I type this, not to mention the cordless phone that looks an awful lot like a remote.
We have two cable box remotes for our two cable boxes...I can see them both right now which means one of them is not where it is supposed to be. We have two DVD players, each has it's own remote...again, I can see them both right now which means one is not in it's rightful place. We also have a VCR remote which is sitting decoratively on the mantle. (I'm still not sure why my husband thinks that is a good place for remotes, I guess to keep them out of small hands...)
Back to my story... Most remotes are about the same size but the remote that goes to the DVD player in Zac's room is very small, about half the length of regular remotes (yes, I am getting somewhere...the size is very important I assure you...)
Zac decided to play the "remote game" with my husband last night. His idea of fun is to throw them directly at your gut as hard as he can, or if you're not so lucky, your head (and he has quite an arm for a nearly 2 year old). He throws the first remote at him (in case you're wondering it was a cable box remote) and says loudly, " 'mote!". He then picks up the small DVD remote and throws it as well. He says, "baby 'mote!".

What?

Mady: "I'm so sleepy I could eat a whole...fabrican!"

Me: "What's a fabrican?"

Mady: "I don't know, but that would be weird."

Ouch!

Firstly, It has been months since I'm posted anything. I could say I've been busy, but really, I've just been unmotivated.

Here's a good story about Mady. She is very honest and hearing her say these things is infinitely more funny than just reading about them.

Several months ago, there was a fire in an empty apartment complex. It was still being built, had no residents...it was one of those news stories that instead of reporting on for a normal amount of time, they reported on it for HOURS...interrupting important TV shows.
After they had reported on this fire for a very very long time, they decided to report about two children who had been standing outside watching the fire with their parent(s). Apparently the kids had walked all willy-nilly into the street and had gotten hit by a Suburban. (No worries, they are okay) Mady was sitting on the couch coloring and heard the news anchor telling about the children. As soon as she heard, "were hit by an oncoming Suburban" she says, "Oh, I bet that hurt."

My husband and I couldn't stop laughing! I talked to her about it after a few minutes and she said to me, "Well, I bet it did hurt...but that's okay, some people just have to get hit sometimes right Mommy." I guess so.