Thankful: Day 89

Remember that Pharmacology test I mentioned on Thursday?

Well, I made a 95.7! Highest test grade yet!!

YAY ME!!

I'm just thankful that even tornado sirens can't diminish my studying ability!

Thankful: Day 88

We spent the evening at my parents' house.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is get away from your own house and sit on someone else's couch.

I am so glad we did!

We had bar-b-que pork chops and held babies.

Zac got to fish with the fishing pole he won at the wild game cook off at the church.  He didn't catch anything, but he had a great time.

Matt and I finally came up with a plan for a big change in our lives coming up. We haven't made a decision yet, but when we do...I am sure you will have a chance to read it here. (That is bait, so you will stick around and read.) (haha!)

Thankful: Day 87

Today was a tiring, yet amazing day.

I started the day off by waking up at 5:45 so I could be to school by 6:30 only to find out that I didn't have to go in early if I was working the afternoon shift...so I napped on the couch for two hours and then headed for the zoo.

I had a blast playing games with kiddos at Smile Safari, unfortunately, I had to be elsewhere in the afternoon, so I didn't get to see the new baby elephant of gorilla.  :(

I headed over to the good ol' College of Dentistry to help out with Kid's Day. I only got to place one sealant, BUT, I got to be there helping provide care for kids who otherwise might not receive dental care at all.

I finished up the day driving my Mother in law's awesome car around town shopping.

She also paid for our dinner at Chili's; (which busted my diet, but was totally worth it!) Thanks Teresa!!

Thankful: Day 86

I don't have school on Friday's anymore!  I LOVE having Friday's off...

Although, I did go in to school today for quite a while to work on a group project.

It was nice to go to school to work on something, but not be in class. It is especially nice since we worked long and hard and got the entire project done!

I am so thankful to check one more thing off the list for completion of my Junior year!

Thankful: Day 85

I took a Pharmacology test today and for the first time in the last 3 tests, I felt like I did well!

I haven't done poorly on any of the tests so far; my lowest test grade is an 81.4, but I don't particularly care for B's when A's are possible.

I feel like today's test will be an A and I hope I find out soon!

We have been able to catch up on some of our Disney movie watching as of late. This week we made it through The Little Mermaid, The Rescuer's Down Under AND Beauty and the Beast!

Thankful: Day 84

We had some severe weather here in Moore, OK today.

Thankfully, after a scare when the weather man basically yelled our exact location followed by, "tornado on the ground!", we were spared any damage and only lost power for about 5 seconds.

We have got to get a shelter on this property like, yesterday!

Thankful: Day 83

Starting something new is never easy.

Implementing change is never easy either, but sometimes it is necessary.

School is stressful. Life is stressful. Being a wife is stressful. Being a mother is stressful.

Somedays I feel like going back to school was the dumbest decision I ever made.

Don't get me wrong, I am so blessed to be there, and as I have said many, many times; school is the journey to get me where I want to be in life. I won't take the journey for granted. But, I will acknowledge that the journey is stretching me further than I ever thought. It is straining my relationships. It is straining the seams of my pants...

I wouldn't be truthful if I didn't tell you out right: IT'S HARD. All of it.

LIFE IS HARD

I can't be who I need to be for everyone. I just can't and I need to be okay with that, but I'm not.

I have to be the mom who helps with homework and sends snacks to parties and keeps up with who is friends with whom and gets kids to dance and soccer.

I have to be the wife who cooks and cleans and decorates and keeps her husband happy.

I have to be the student who studies and gives 100% all the time and applies herself in clinic and helps everyone clean up after clinic because it's what a good decent person does...especially if she wants others to do the same for her.

I have to be the friend who calls and texts to maintain contact.

I have to be the daughter who helps feed the fish and cat when needed.

I have to be the sister who helps with babies and encourages sleep deprived parents.

I have to be the church leader who stays in the Word and can lead children in Biblical truths.

I have to be the dance teacher who always shows up on time and comes up with choreography on the fly.

And I TRY to do it all with a smile on my face.

Wanna know a secret?

Somedays I feel like I am dying inside.

This life I lead; it's a blessing. I KNOW that...

But somedays I just have to hold my husband. And when he asks me if I am okay, I just have to say,

"no"

And weep. 

So, Ya'll...If you decide to read this, say a prayer for me. 

Say a prayer for confidence. For wisdom. For love. For peace. Just pray anything nice, really. I sure could use the encouragement.

And today, I will be thankful for you and your prayers.

Thankful: Day 82

The first day back to school after a break is always brutal. 

Fortunately, I had a great patient today! I was able to complete the patient, which gives me a grand total of 2 completed patients!

Someday I will get faster... I hope.

Thankful: Day 81

Matt got home from his weekend away with the guys.

The kids came home from Grammy's this afternoon.

So we are all back together for the evening!

The sad news is, spring break is over.

The good news is, it was a great time of relaxing and baby loving.

Also, I am one week closer to the end of the school year and summer break!

Thankful: Day 80

Tomorrow, I am starting something new.

I won't say what it is yet for a few reasons.

  1. I don't know if it will work.
  2. I don't want to be judged.
  3. I want the chance to be thankful for results.

In related news, I started food journaling again today.

Weight is an issue I talk about and struggle with a lot. I don't see myself stopping any time soon. I don't lose weight easily. It comes pretty easy for some people (for instance the Facebook friend who posted that she lost 10 pounds in 1 month by cutting back on portions) but it does NOT come that easily for me. I have to work and I have to work HARD. Sadly, when school and family are your priorities it isn't losing weight that is the problem. It is NOT GAINING weight that is the problem. I could prioritize the gym and some of you would likely say that I should. But, I will not give up my studies or time with my family. Therefore I have to do something else.

Here I am food journaling and trying to make good choices, including what I eat and how I fit in exercise at home while spending time with the family.

For now, I am thankful for the opportunity to try something new, and I look forward to the day I can share every detail with you.

Thankful: Day 79

The kids are at Grammy and Poppy's house.

Matt went to Tulsa to hang with his friends.

So here am I...with my computer and my blog.

And my literature review for Research Methods.

Something tells me I am having the least fun of all of us...

However, I cuddled some sweet babies this morning and this afternoon.  My sister introduced me to Pitch Perfect (which was hilarious by the way). And now I have uninterrupted me time to finish this paper and never think about it again for a couple of weeks when I have to present it to the class.

But, at least the paper will be done.

I'll be thankful for this alone time since it is so hard to come by, yet so needed.

Thankful: Day 78

Matt went back to work today.

He was off Monday through Wednesday. Sadly, we did nothing together over those three days because every day we were waiting for an AT&T man to show up which never seemed to happen...plus I had dentist and doctor appointment to chauffeur people to.

So, in terms of activities, spring break was kind of a bust. But, we got a lot taken care of. All the laundry and dishes are done at least.

Since he went to work, I just hung out with my sister and the babies all day. I am happy to help her at feeding time when two is just a lot of work. We watched Kung Fu Panda 2, which my sister hadn't seen yet, and had some nice heart to heart conversations.

I'm so thankful for my sister. She loves me when I am difficult to love. She tries to encourage me when I am having my "debbie downer" moments (which are much too frequent) and she always believes in me.

Thankful: Day 77

Mady had her teeth extracted first thing this morning.

I wish I could have been in the room with her, as I was really interested in what that looks like, but I was on my way to my sister's house to help feed babies and get them all to the doctor by 9:30am.

I was told, however, that the whole procedure took less than 20 minutes. Mady did great and is not in much pain. She is just glad they are gone and she isn't in pain anymore.

Something really amazing happened to me at the babies' doctor appointment. I was recognized. A girl I went to high school with who is now a doctor said, "You look familiar."

Ya'll that NEVER happens. Never. Usually people I was actually friends with don't recognize me.  So, I was pretty excited about that!

Thankful: Day 76

Zac had a dentist appointment today. Everything looked good, but my concerns about his occlusion were confirmed; so, a call and consultation with an orthodontist will be occurring soon. He doesn't seem to be too worried about it.

The dentist also confirmed that Mady's last three baby teeth need to be extracted. The permanent teeth are coming in off center and are causing a lot of discomfort. Poor girl is nervous about going back to have the teeth extracted tomorrow.

Also:

Mady and I were able to spend some quality time with the babies today.

It was very special for Mady as I don't think anyone has ever let her feed a baby before.  She was so ecstatic to get to feed little Kiera!

We took my sister and the babies to a doctor appointment, figured out the carseats and the stroller, and grabbed lunch.

All in all, a good day. Thankfully, I get a spring break to get things taken care of that get put on the back burner when school gets busy.

Thankful: Day 75

Today, I finally made it to Sam's and the grocery store!

There are many things I miss about being a stay at home mom. Not the least of which is sleeping until 8am...but you already knew that.

I miss Monday morning grocery trips.

Sounds crazy, right?

But, NOBODY goes grocery shopping on Monday mornings, therefore I have the whole grocery store to myself and it is wonderful.

There is such serenity in a quiet grocery store by ones self...I was thankful for the quiet alone time.

Thankful: Day 74

I am playing catch up for multiple reasons.

1. It's spring break, so I have tried to avoid my computer as much as possible
2. AT&T disconnected our services to upgrade out internet speed and then found a short in a wire and didn't see fit to fix the problem for 3 days.

I figure the next several posts will be short and sweet...

I met up with two high school friends at the funeral yesterday and we decided to hang out and see a movie this afternoon. So I took Madelyn to see Cinderella with me and my friends. It was a fun girl time and something we definitely don't do often enough.

I am thankful for friends. Especially the friends you can catch up with after several years and pick up right where you left off.

Thankful: Day 73

Today I attended the funeral of a friend of mine from high school.

He left behind a wife and three small children and my heart has been so broken for the family.

Justin was a true friend. He liked everyone as far as I knew and if he didn't like everyone, he sure hid it well because he was kind to everyone all the time.

He was funny. So very funny. And he was passionate. He was passionate about his drumming and about sports and about his friends. One example of his passion for sports was Moore War senior year. We thought we were going to win and the excitement was thick. But we lost...  He cried. I watched him sit there and cry real tears, ya'll. It sounds silly, but we were ALL crying. I never saw him cry before that and I never saw him cry again.

He was a great friend. He put a smile only my face every day during high school. He made awkward moments more survivable.

For example:  I had a boyfriend in 11th grade and we were pretty serious as far as high school relationships go. I thought I would marry him. But, then I thought I wouldn't marry him and I broke up with him. Since we went to the same church and the same school, things got awkward often...especially in math class senior year when we ended up sitting next to each other. Thankfully Justin was near us as well.  He engaged us both in conversation and had us laughing in class so much that we forgot any animosity that was felt between the two of us.  In fact, we talked and laughed so much in that class that I'm lucky I even made a C.

Besides being funny, he had a serious side. He sincerely cared about his friends. He wanted to do whatever he could to make them feel better and cheer them up.

I will never forget the football game where he spent all his free time talking to me. I don't remember the conversation, but I remember the subject matter. I couldn't figure out what I wanted and I didn't want to look like a fool. I couldn't identify my true feelings, but Justin spent the entire break during 3rd quarter to talk me through my "crisis". He gave up laughing and cutting up with his buddies to talk to me and find out why I was so blue.

A friend like Justin doesn't come around every day.

He will be dearly missed by so many and I am thankful for the moments of true friendship I shared with Justin "Wang" Waganer.

High school would not have been the same without you, friend. Not by a long shot.

Thankful: Day 72

Well, the good news is, I survived the day.

The other good news is, I survived the week.

I wasn't sure it was possible. There was a possibility of a nervous breakdown. But, I made it!

Today consisted of class at 8, exam at 9, exam/competency at 10, clinic competency at 11:30 and class at 1.

I am pretty sure I didn't fail anything.

Now to the thankful part of my day:

Matt texts me out of the blue, "Do you want to celebrate spring break by not cooking?"

Me: "Sure, what did you have in mind, The Mantel?"

Matt: "Ha ha, no. I was thinking Ted's. No joke."

Me: Absolutely!"

So...I got Ted's for dinner followed by Oliver and Company with the family.

Happy Spring Break!!

Thankful: Day 71

ONE MORE DAY OF SCHOOL AND IT IS SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!

Somehow, I am going to survive tomorrow. I hope.

I completed my first patient today. Two appointments later and I got to dismiss the patient and say, "See you in 6 months." instead of "See you next week."

Thankful: Day 70

Today was the dreaded research exam...and I made a 92! So, yay me! Down to only 2 more tests this week...which I should be studying for, but I am doing this instead.

My patient today was a hoot. I know I have said this before...but I have been so blessed with my patients. Still not a rude or nasty patient to be found, only awesome ones!  Today, my patient made the time fly by and made the school day fun. I appreciate that more than he will ever know!

I saw the sweet babies for the first time since Friday tonight. I decided that studying is overrated and that a trip across town to hold babies was much more important...and I was right!

I have also decided that I must be a superhero (that or absolutely crazy)...I managed to get home, get two kids ready for practices, feed two kids (okay...technically Arby's fed my kids, but details), and get both kids to practice relatively on time. *Okay...so hey, Zac was 11 minutes late to soccer, but the dance studio is across town from the soccer field and both kids start at 5:30, so WIN for me* And I did that ALL BY MYSELF!

Note to self: Look back at this blog this time next year and remind yourself that it was all worth it. Every minute of every day spent going crazy and running around like a chicken with its head cut off; every emotional break down, and every sacrifice was worth it. Look at what you have accomplished despite the obstacles! You are a super hero!

Also: I'm tired...so goodnight!

Thankful: Day 69

Today is officially Miss Whitley's 6th birthday.

Gee, I love that girl!  She is feisty and ornery and sweet and amazing!

I am so thankful that I get to be her auntie!

Also, it's been a "monday"... If I could have a redo for today, that would be great.

On a positive note, 2 tests can be checked off the list, only 3 more to go this week!

Thankful: Day 68

It's spring forward time!

I hate it. So much.

Not the time change as much as the lost hour of sleep. It messes with me. I don't get enough sleep as it is, and now an hour gets robbed from me!

I love the extra hour at the end of the day, so I will try not to be too bitter about it!

So, today I stayed home from church to study. It's been a busy week and I have 5 exams, 3 patients, 1 quiz and 1 competency this coming week. Studying was definitely called for.

I didn't even put on "real" pants until I had to leave my house at 5:30 to run an errand for my sister...then I changed right back into my sweat pants as soon as I got home.

Pretty sure I've mentioned my love of sweatpants before though!

Thankful: Day 67

I love Saturday!  It is my favorite day of the week for sure!

Zac's soccer game was cancelled due to field conditions, so we got to sleep in and take it easy this morning.

After a pancake breakfast, we headed to Chickasha for my niece's birthday party.

As per the usual, we stayed long past our welcome wore out, watched a movie with everyone and ordered pizza.

I married into the most loving, compassionate, generous family!  I am so thankful I get to be part of their family.

Thankful: Day 66

Today was the LAST DAY OF FRIDAY CLASS FOR THIS SEMESTER!!!

I'm so excited about this.

I took a final this morning, made a 100%, and ended up with a 96 in the class (yay me!).

Then I spent a full 4 hours at the hospital visiting with Chad, Sarah and Kiera.

It was perfect!

I got to see Ephram in the NICU and I also fed Kiera and kept her company while mom and dad visited Ephram in his cubby.

I have other nieces and nephews...and I love them all so very much, but there is something special about your sister having babies.

I am so blessed!

Thankful: Day 65

Finally!

Ya'll, I've been away for almost a week. Time got away from me.

My goal is to catch up tonight and try to do better...but you know me, I'll get behind again eventually.

After the extraordinarily out of the ordinary snow day off of school yesterday, which was nothing short of a miracle, as it allowed me to be at the hospital all day long with my sister on the most special day ever (run on sentence much?) we were blessed today with a late start. Since half the learning sites were closed, the midterm scheduled for today was rescheduled and we were told not to be at school until 12 for a meeting.

That meant I got to sleep in again!...AND I got a free lunch.

And if you know me at all...sleep + food = Great day!

Thankful: Day 64

Of all days for babies to be born...my niece and nephew choose a snowstormy day in March!

But, they're here!!

Kiera Cathleen 5 lb 1 oz 17 1/2 in at 2:22pm
Ephram William 4 lb 3 oz 17 in at 2:23pm

They are beautiful and wonderful!

God orchestrated this whole day. Both mine (surprisingly) and the kids' school were out which left us free to sit at the hospital all day. I am so glad I was able to be there for Sarah and Chad and to be one of the first to meet the sweet babies.

Thankful: Day 63

So...D-day for my sister has been rescheduled to this Friday instead of next!  This is good(ish) news for me. It means that her husband gets to help out the first week and I get spring break! However, it also means that they will be another week under-cooked and may have to spend some time in the NICU.

So, my friends, be praying for my sister and her husband the the two sweet babies we are about to meet!  Pray that they have grown and developed enough to avoid a lengthy stay in the NICU and pray for peace for the parents!

In other news, I got word this morning that one of my close friends is moving far, far away. I can't give specifics on person, place or thing...but just pray.

I don't make friends easily. I tend to be a loner. I don't force myself on anyone and I certainly don't invite myself places where I may not be wanted. She is my only true confidant. The only one I trust with my deepest, darkest secrets. The only person I have taken a girls weekend with. We haven't seen each other in around a year (because our kids and husbands...and my school keep us so busy), but it never matters how much time has passed, we always pick right back up where we left off. I love her. I love her dearly and I can't say that about many people.

I am so very thankful for her friendship and acceptance. She has made me a better person and for that I am grateful.

Also, apparently we are expecting some kind of epic ice, sleet and snow storm because my school, which never closes, has already called off clinic tomorrow morning and cancelled morning classes. So, add to my thankful list....I get to sleep in tomorrow morning!

Thankful: Day 62

I saw my 3rd patient today!

I am finally starting to feel like I belong in that clinician chair. I'm not always on top of it, and sometimes I get too focused on being meticulous about the wrong things. The "learning" software we have to use for the college is such a learning curve for me...but every day I get a little bit better. I got farther in the sequence at this patient's first visit than with either of my first two patients which is a relief, because I was sure I was going to be the slowest clinician in my class.

Anyway, so far, so good. I still struggle with anxiety and feelings of panic, but it is getting easier to talk (and pray) myself off the ledge. Every single patient has been a God sent blessing to me. I don't want to jinx myself or anything, but they have all been so kind and encouraging; not one of them has been harsh or rude. God knew I would need kindness and encouragement and He has been so faithful to me as I embark on this journey.

Also, the countdown is ON...

At most 11 more days till I welcome my newest niece and nephew!!!  Any day now!

ONLY 11 MORE DAYS UNTIL SPRING BREAK!!

I will likely be spending my spring break with a baby in one arm and typing a literature review with the other!  But I don't care as long as it means I can sleep in!

Thankful: Day 61

I honestly can't believe that I have made this blog happen for 61 days. With everything I have on my plate, it was a crazy idea to say the least. Somedays, I just don't find the time to take even 5 minutes to write something boring and cliche.
Through it all, I am determined to make it work...even if I have to blog 6 days worth in one evening.

This morning we braved the icy roads to make it to church. I didn't want to go, I was tired (even after the amazing snow day yesterday) and I just wanted to stay in bed. Thankfully, Matt teaches Sunday School, so I had to suck it up, get dressed and show up.

First, I made myself an amazing coffee to go. Then I drove the family to church and only had slippery trouble in the neighborhood. I just happened to get the last Cinnamon Crunch Panera bagel in the bowl and it was delicious! I enjoyed a great Sunday School lesson and Sunday morning sermon then got in the car to find that the roads were completely clear and the neighborhood streets were no longer icy, but slushy. We walked into a kitchen that was thick with the aroma of a roast and had a fantastic Sunday lunch.

We ended the evening by watching the Thunder beat the Lakers on my dad's new 75" TV and it was amazing!  It makes my 36" look tiny...

It was just an ordinary day, but I loved every minute.