Hawk Nelson recorded this amazing song: Words
It says this:
Words can build you up
Words can break you down
Start a fire in your heart or
Put it out
Wow. It's SO TRUE
When I was in High school I wore a size 4, sometimes 6. I think I may have mentioned my glory days before?
One Wednesday night after church I went with my sister to a get together at a friend's house. While there a friend of mine took a picture of me from the waist down as I was sitting in a chair. In no uncertain terms he said to me that my legs were fat, they were disgusting everyone at the party and I should uncross my legs to remedy the problem. I was a dancer, I had very muscular legs...so no, they did not look like chicken legs. My mom had passed away a year earlier and the fact of the matter is, if I didn't cook dinner after school, then dinner was likely to be from a drive through...my dad just didn't have time to do it all. Yes, I had cellulite and yes, I can still see that picture in my mind when I close my eyes; I can still hear those words ringing in my ears. I cried the whole way home that night; I cried myself to sleep and sometimes, when I look in the mirror and see my legs I still cry.
Those words hurt. THEY STILL DO.
My sister tells me I need to forgive him, but I have. I have forgiven him many, many times. I just can't FORGET. It still hurts so bad. I can count on one hand the amount of times I have worn, in public, a pair of shorts that don't cover my knees. I am scared to death. Someone finally confirmed what I always knew...my legs are my trouble zone. I don't need that to be confirmed ever again.
In my quest to learn to love myself, I feel I need to remind others that your words matter. THEY MATTER! So be careful. BE CAREFUL!
I hope someday these words don't haunt me anymore. But until then, when his words start to echo in my mind, when I begin to feel worthless because of the words of an immature teenager spoken 17 years ago, I will meditate on what God's Word says about me.
You can heal the heartache
Speak over the fear
God, you voice is the only thing
We need to hear
-- Hawk Nelson
Today, Hawk Nelson's song is my prayer:
Let my words be life
Let my words be truth
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You.
